I was reading one of my plant books
one day at Colorado—my boss Jose’s farm nestled between the Cerro Hoya National
Park on the Azuero Peninsula and the Pacific ocean—when the book told me one
the most obvious facts about plants: that they heal. They heal in many ways; they clean the air of
nasty chemicals like benzene and formaldehyde, their presents brings good
energy, a healing energy to a room and they provide fruit and vegetables to
nourish and give our bodies the chemicals to heal ourselves. This is all very obvious and bears little
worth in mentioning it unless the case be that hospitals do not have many or
any plants in them. Sure a few hospitals
have gardens but how many are designed with prolific greenspace? So that there
is natural light to support plants live indoors, to clean the air and make the
patient feel more comfortable and provide the patient with better quality food
than they serve in prison.
This
subject is of particular import for me today because April 7th is my
departed mother’s birthday. She passed
away almost 2 years ago but she is always in my mind. She was an anesthesiologist by profession
after completing a psychology degree in 3 ½ years from Notre Dame, and a
medical doctorate from the University of Oklahoma. They say human nature is determined by environment
and my passion for health may be explained by the fact I was born during one of
her finals weeks in med school. It is a funny thing however that I could not
truly chase my passion until she was gone forever.
My mom
had breast cancer first when I was 14.
She had a mastectomy of the infected breast and the coast was supposed
to be clear for life to proceed as normal.
Skip ahead 4 years, she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer that had
metastasized to her brain, liver, spine and lymph nodes. Apparently the operation had not removed it
all and had grown unchecked for 4 years.
WOMEN ALWAYS FOLLOW UP!!!!! This was crushing news for my family; even
more concerning was I was meant to depart for the Netherlands to be a Rotary
Exchange Student in August. I was encouraged
to go through with it and choose to accept the honor knowing that when I went
through security I would never see her face again. Would you I did not even look back to wave?
My relationship
with my mother is complicated. She was
an intensely practical woman always focused on security. She worked two jobs most her life to have
spending money, pay her way through college—still graduating early—and to put
food on the table. Even when my mom was
a resident physician she entered the Army reserves to have a bit more money and
as a fully practicing doctor would moonlight at another hospital 45 minutes
away to save up for her retirement and pay off her loans—for the record she
still had outstanding medical school loans when she died. Oh I should mention she was honorable
discharged due to medical issues as she had a broken neck from a water skiing
accident and could not wear a helmet—did I mention my mom was a tough
cookie? However this practicality led
her to look down on me, the dreamer, who loved picking caterpillars to see what
butterfly they turned into and pretending to have my own nature show. My vision was always to the future, what
would I study in college? History? Archeology? Biology? Nothing fit into her
idea of success: money. She told me I
would be poor my whole life and though I had no concept of money—still don’t—I decided
I could not chase those dreams until at the age of 12 I had no more dreams,
only hate and cynicism for the world and my mother.
My
cynical and loveless nature continued through middle school, and high
school. I had only a few good friends
and my best bud from childhood, Shane Foye, and I would observe the world as
outsiders and have deep philosophical discussions about why things are and how
to fix it. All this time I was the most
passive aggressive 90’s bitch ever created.
I would lie like a mat—I suppose my dad choose a good name for me—telling
my parents what they wanted to hear and scoot by in school from my genetic
intelligence as my dad has a Ph.D. and yea you know my mom’s education. Like I mentioned, when I found out about my
mom’s condition I was devastated. I had
thought this whole time that I would not earn her respect until I was secure on
my own dime, then she would love me and I could return the feeling.
In the
Netherlands I became a new person; I took every cliché in the book and put it
to heart. “You only live once” “Life is
over before you know it” “Dance like no one is watching” “No Regrets” All that
jazz. I transformed under pressure from
suffering and without boundaries in a country where weed, prostitution and beer
at school dances is legal—yes it is as awesome as it sounds. I did not read books, preferring to
philosophize with my own thoughts; each night I was alone a thousand miles away
to think. I organically developed
Buddhism in my own mind, knowing that expectation and desire were the root of
all suffering and I had to find a way to let go. My behavior has never been the same since
those days; the dreamer in me was reborn like a phoenix rising from the ashes
even more vibrant than before and would earn me a new nickname from my college
rugby team: ‘Dutch’ was born.
Would
you know it, that my mother survived 4 years with her disease—wait did I
mention she was a tough cookie? I saw
her when my family visited me in the Netherlands and we went to Scotland. It was amazing really how long she was able
to battle cancer but at a cost. I have
to mention my father and brother and how incredible they are; while I was rebirthing
myself they had to help my mother through the worst of her battle. Every day they would help her, to weak to
even move, and comfort her but I cannot do their experience justice as I was
not there and they have not been explicit with their hands on suffering so I
will not try. When I returned she was still
her practical self and sensing the end only pushed her harder and made her
worry even more for me. For now I was
different, I was a near adult who had contrived logical arguments for how the
world should be led and it was never very practical.
I will
skip ahead again through college because that honestly was a drunken blur that
I disliked most of and was still sad 90% of the time—sophomore year involved a
lot of drunk crying in public places—waiting for the impending call that my
mother had passed away. I could not let myself live under the weight of
worrying her, that everything I said or thought was not ‘how the world worked’
and I could still feel no love between us.
I was immobilized by her disregard for my dreams and ideals so with no
path to follow besides the old get a job, marriage, kids bs I sunk again back
into apathy.
I
remember walking out of the tv room June 31st and saying goodbye to
my mom, like it was the last time I would see her as I had thought so many
times before, as I left for a friend’s birthday party. On the morning of July 1st my
brother and grandpa came to pick me up and bring me to the hospital to see my
mother lying in a bed, having suffered a heart attack she was brain dead and on
life support. By the afternoon she was
dead, I was out for a walk in the woods where I found comfort where a family
friend Ernie picked me up by a stream to take me to see her and say goodbye…her
heart had stopped. There were no words
to say, I felt her cold hands and soft hair and let go. I began to let it all go.
At
first I was very angry for how unnecessary it was, they said she was fine that she
would never have cancer again. Then I
blamed her lifestyle, she was overweight, ate crap processed foods and never exercised. But I have come to see that it may have been
my fault, I failed to show her the love a mother deserves and understand she
was who she was because of her experiences.
My lack of empathy and selfish ego had clouded my judgment and closed
myself off from her. There are a lot of superstitions
about love curing disease and perhaps it’s a two way street.
This
realization did not happen so quickly as 4 sentences however. It took me many months to see my hand in her
departure. All the while senior year was
under way and I endeavored to make it my best.
I had an amazing professor Dr Pogo for biochemistry that really opened
my eyes to just how important diet is in preventing cancer. It may have been because I saw everything
through the lens of a victim, of someone who wanted to fully understand the
enigma that is cancer. I would like to
say here that first off calling something a ‘genetic disorder’ is horseshit. In Bio101 they teach you scientists do not understand
what 98% of DNA is for so how do they understand ‘genetic disorders.’ Second cancer is as genetic as playing an
instrument, if you may have an aptitude for an instrument but you become a maestro
by practicing 5 hours a day. For cancer ‘practice’
is gene transcription, if you eat a diet that causes inflammation and free
radical damage while your body constantly needs to make enzymes to deal with
the amount of sugar you are eating then your statistically more likely to have
a screw up and then BOOM!!! cancer. For
example, Ras is an onco gene—gene related to cancer—that if your DNA
transcriptase screws up 1 amino acid I REPEAT 1 MOTHER LOVING AMINO ACID!!!! The
enzyme no longer can shut itself off and the cell goes into a constant cycle of
growth aka cancer aka capitalism…oops there is the dreamer again.
So with
this knowledge and no dissenting words from my mother I choose to dedicate my
life to the greatest impact against diseases of lifestyle. I saw that supply of those good-good chemical-free
whole foods we all want was in short supply so I would become a sustainable
farmer. I WWOOFed the summer after I
graduated—barely SUNY Geneseo is tough—in Pennsylvania (Goodness Grows) and Texas
(Fresh Pasture Farms) to learn how to grow veggies and raise livestock. I was obsessed with aquaponics, that newfangled
contraption where fish poop fertilizes hydroponically grown herbs and veggies. I saw that upstate New York had a lot of
abandoned lots and warehouses from the bygone industrial era that could use a
face lift and people in cities need veggies as ‘food deserts’ are a huge
problem these days. My dad did his best
to discourage me but I could not be dissuaded I had to complete my mission, the
love for my mother that I had not known during her life kept me going. I even attempted to get an internship at
Growing Power one of the largest aquaponics urban farms in the country located
in Milwaukee.
Its
funny though since it was my dad who told me to pursue opportunities
abroad. I think he meant WWOOFing but he
ended up paying 2.5 grand for a natural building internship in Costa Rica. When I left the farm in Costa Rica I had a
plan to become a naturopathic doctor because they actually treat the person as
a whole and not by parts; I had also seen the effects of allopathic treatment
of cancer and it doesn’t work too well or at all for heart disease and
diabetes. Its funny how the world works, my best friend
Josh Vics had an internship at Kalu Yala—a sustainable community in the
mountains of Panama outside a town called San Miguel—where he build a
barrelponics system at their Panama City location. Kalu Yala just happened to be hosting a TEDx:
Adventure talk and needed volunteers so with a foot in the door I was able to
attend. I had a lot of fun in the jungle
at TEDx; I met so many amazing people who were so happy to be alive, who loved
what they did and most were helping move society forward by disseminating
knowledge and progress throughout the world.
There I heard this power phrase ‘social entrepreneur’ for the first time
from Game Changers 500 own Andrew Hewitt; people who created businesses for the
good of humanity needless to say I finally had a label to call myself.
My
friend Josh met a fantastic guy named Jose Goldner. He saw the internship at Kalu Yala and
thought they could use a more graduate type of program. He already had much of the infrastructure to
create an entrepreneurial program, an old tourist fishing business “Pedasi Fishing,”
a cattle breeding business “Hemingway Hacienda,” and a real-estate business “Ocean
Legacy SA.” He just needed some bright
individuals to help him breathe new life into his businesses and a new
internship would be soon to follow. So since
the New Year Jose has put me up and helping me build my own business as I help him
build the “DreamSpear” entrepreneur program.
Jose had the idea of “MindSpear” but I am the forever dreamer so I
interjected ‘dream’ and the tag line “spear your dreams” is just too good. The program is an immersion entrepreneurial experience
focused on ecommerce digital strategy—Jose’s specialty—like online marketing, search
engine optimization and business plan development. He has taught me these last few months that
you do not need to delay gratification, that you can live the lifestyle you
want while making an impact and changing the world.
It happened rather organically, Jose wanted a
few hectares of orchard planted and I started researching tropical fruit trees
which turned into a permaculture landscape business focused on edible
landscaping to maximize the health benefits the land has to offer. My tentative business—as I have clients lined
up but no check yet—is called “Earth Investments” with the mission to design,
implement and maintain holistic, functional and sustainable landscapes using
permaculture and the organic method to promote health, fertility and biodiversity
for the residence of the Azuero peninsula.
I am on the verge of starting an organization that will promote health
far beyond the reaches of one farmer; by designing edible landscapes bursting with
the most delicious chemical-free fruit available to the tropics I will ensure
that at least those on the Azuero Peninsula will have access to healing whole
foods.
Now I told you that story to tell
you my idea; I want to help the people back in Utica,NY. I do not feel any particular geographic
loyalty to Utica but I feel I must change the place that may have contributed
to my mother’s early death. The
Faxton-St. Luke’s hospitals are not too terrible as brick buildings go but they
do not represent progress. The cafeteria
where I ate as I spent more than a few nights while my mom was on call served
the same processed poison that they serve in college cafeterias and prisons. There is no greenspace with few plants
located throughout the building and if there is a gym then it is not well
advertised. I read an article about a
hospital in Detroit that had a greenhouse to provide ‘real medicine’ as the
article said for the patients. So my
idea is to raise money for a new hospital, a hospital of the future: that provides
delicious pesticide and herbicide free fruit, vegetables and fish using
aquaponics with a greenhouse rooftop garden and plants in every room and a gym
for doctors to stay fit so that they do not have to suffer the consequences of
poor design for our nature is defined by our environment after all. The
Cynthia Renee Memorial Hospital is just an idea in my head but I will
return to my home of 13 years one day to see if I can drum up support and be
sure that anyone that I can save will be saved in Utica itself or by the
example I create.
I am just a dreamer, a hippie
capitalist, a philosopher scientist and a highly logical yet irrational person;
I am a dichotomy much like my favorite wave-particle the electron. I have watched a lot of flasks boil over the
years being a chemistry major and bubbles are fascinating creatures. At first one molecule gets excited and bumps
another one, losing a little himself but now both are more excited; if you keep
adding energy then they a lot of molecules get excited in one spot and break
the liquid phase and rise up. I am only
one water molecule but my passion and the love for my mother has given me
unending energy to excite those around me to rise up for what we believe in, to
save this planet for in a very practical sense the Y generation must or we are
doomed. It can start with a smile or a shocking
loss but we must all hear the call to action. I will leave you with my own
catch phrase that only those who know me will understand “Have fun and don’t do
anything I wouldn’t do.”
